The relationship to yourself

Become a better seller with a relational approach | Part 1: The relationship to yourself.

By: Rebecca Bergsland –

I used to say that I’m not a salesperson and then I realised two things. One: I, just like any other human being, make various agreements, transactions and affairs daily. Two: Sales work is actually about relations – and if there is anything I know it is precisely that. In the following five articles I will share with you the most important tools to become a better seller by using a relational approach and build sustainable relationships with current and potential clients. 

Rebecca Bergsland – Professional coach and 
Business Communication Practitioner in NLP 

Article overview:

  1. The relationship to yourself
  2. Identify the “now”
  3. Identify the dream scenario and the obstacles 
  4. Become the bridge 
  5. Bonus: Make it sustainable

Part 1: The relationship to yourself

Creating good relations to others is often a lot easier if we start by investing some in our relationship to ourselves. In this initial article, I will present three fundamental sets of actions for personal development that all have the power to impact directly on your sales work. 

Find your “why”

If you don’t know your true “why” – the underlying force that motivates you to do what you want to do – then this is where you should start. When it is clear to you what drives you in life you can canalise and direct that force towards your goals which in turn will help you to help others. So sit down for a few minutes to feel. Yes, I mean feel, not think. Perhaps you have heard that most of our thoughts are the same as yesterday? The ideas and thoughts we already have in our consciousness are not always what makes a difference. Instead, we tend to find our most important answers in what we often call our gut feeling, our intuition or our subconscious. So when you sit down to feel, relax and close your eyes if it helps you. Then ask yourself these questions: Why am I doing what I do? What about that is important to me? And why is that important? And in turn, what does that give me that is meaningful? Continue to ask and feel your answers within until you reach the very core. We know that we have reached the core when an answer gives us a little stronger, more emotional reaction (whether it is a smile, laughter, a sensation of champagne bubbles in your stomach, a beating heart, tears or something else). If you find it difficult to guide yourself through this process, ask someone whom you feel comfortable with or contact a professional coach to assist you.

Genuinely embrace the attitude to give

When you know why you want to do what you do, let it influence your attitude. Genuinely embrace the will to contribute to people and the mindset that everyone has something of value to give to others. Regardless if it is a product or a service that you contribute with, be respectful and curious to how you can help each individual and be an opportunity to them in the unique life situation they are currently in. By genuinely coming from a place of giving and letting this shine through your attitude you create the conditions for a reciprocally beneficial relationship.  

Be your own best example 

The third fundamental set of actions regards the image of yourself that you present to others. Although there is a difference between your understanding of who you are and how other people see you, the two are interrelated. What you think and feel about yourself will reflect in the way you act. In turn, your actions correlate to the results you have in your life, and the results are often what people see first when they notice you. This means that you can use your life results to show how you can create value to others. As humans, we are more prone to perceive a product or service as meaningful to us if we discover how it enriches the life of someone else, especially someone we trust or respect. Hence, let your past and current professional or personal growth be the proof of the value of what you offer. Inspire with your previous success stories. Share your current goals and journey towards them. Celebrate milestones, lessons learned and the new possibilities opened up. With other words; talk about it! The more you talk about something the more people will relate you to what you talk about. And if you concurrently can show the value of your services through your lifestyle you have created a strong and positive personal brand. 


This is the first in a series of five articles of how you can become a better salesperson by building sustainable relations with clients through a relational approach. This initial text has touched upon the foundational basis to this: your relationship with yourself. It has been described how you can find your “why” and how to let this influence your attitude and actions to create a stable foundation for successful seller-client-relationships. The upcoming article will take you through the first step in the interaction with the client. 

Rebecca Bergsland is a professional coach and Business Communication Practitioner in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). As the owner of Change Coaching & Consulting, she is specialised within change processes, relations and communication and is currently planning a new research project. 

Get in touch with Rebecca at